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This is the print-friendly version of the August 2007 Newsletter -
Online Issue # 16
August 2007 Newsletter
Online Issue # 16
In this Issue:
See also, the print-friendly version of this newsletter (all the articles are on one web page).
Look for the next issue in December.
The Front Page
The Possibility of Emptiness
On midsummer days in the Midwest, when the temperature shoots into the 90s and the humidity hangs on and won't let go, it's easy to forget all about making our dreams real. Simply doing what needs to be done requires so much attention and energy. When a day like this stretches into another and then another, a person can feel like she's running on empty: not much appeals and any activity seems like too much effort.
Then one day the wind shifts and a cool front moves in: suddenly the temperature drops twenty degrees and the dew point returns to normal. That's all it takes. We venture outside, bodies relax, skin feels dry to the touch, and breathing is easy. Whatever felt wrong is so suddenly right. How can this be?
We marvel at the surge of energy and enthusiasm that returns to us. We actually want to do things again and we enjoy the doing. Just moving or being is such a pleasure. Now that our bodies are no longer preoccupied with the heat, we have our lives back and can focus our attention on our own thoughts and return to what we're creating—moment by moment.
Any number of things, not just heat and humidity, can cause us to feel depleted and on hold with our lives: disappointment, frustration, loss, grief, pain, exhaustion, rejection, illness, loneliness, resentment, depression, fear, stress....
We often know clearly that something isn't working, but feel powerless to do anything about it. Not knowing what to do, we try to wait it out and hope for a cool front to blow in and bring us back to where we were. Sometimes waiting works and before we know it we're back to normal.
But when days of waiting-it-out turn into weeks or even months, something else is probably needed. Somehow, we need to reconnect with what we're creating, moment by moment, or perhaps non-moment by non-moment. It's too easy to fool ourselves into believing that a moment, or a day, is really an insignificant amount of time, not worth much and not capable of amounting to anything. Yet, it's all we ever have: this moment, right now, and then the one that follows it to become—right now. It's these moments that join together in a mysterious, cumulative way to become our lives and the future we create.
Once we remember that each moment matters, the long-awaited cool front is on the horizon blowing our way. The emptiness of despair becomes the possibility of emptiness. Where we saw nothing we now see room for potential. Nothing has changed yet, except our perspective, but once that changes so does everything else.
Every moment is creating us by how we choose to be in it. Will we be agitated, bored, honest, allowing, resentful, appreciative, encouraging? Will our choice bring us closer to who we are and what we long for? Or will our choice alienate us from what really matters to us? And most important of all, will we even be aware that a choice was made and it was our own?
I wish for you one sweet moment filled with the truth and beauty of who you already are, followed by a lifetime of sharing the wonder of you.
With gratitude,
Laurie Mattila
Good Books
The Not So Big Life:
Making Room for What Really Matters
by Sarah Susanka
Random House, 2007
hardcover, $24.95
This is the seventh book by Sarah Susanka, architect, author and creator of the not-so-big approach to designing and building “better not bigger” homes. Susanka’s first award winning book, The Not So Big House, was followed by Creating The Not So Big House, and a handful of other not-so-big-house spinoffs.
In her latest book, The Not So Big Life, Susanka applies the not-so-big philosophy to our lives as she expertly develops the theme of being at home in our lives. After reading this book, I can think of no one more suited to this fascinating undertaking: exploring the connections between the interior spaces of a home and the interior processes of our lives. Susanka’s detailed and fascinating descriptions of her own ongoing awakening and inner work illustrate how we can change life patterns to allow ourselves to live more of what we truly desire.
Chapter one introduces a chapter-by-chapter overview of “Blueprint for a New Way of Living.” Susanka suggests that our “too big lives” need more than the equivalent of furniture rearranging or redecorating. “What we need is a remodeling that allows us to experience what’s already here but to experience it differently, so that it delights us rather than drives us crazy.... When we’re done, the contents of your days will still be quite recognizable to you, but there will be room to do what you’ve always wanted to do and the freedom to experience more of the potential you know is waiting within you to be revealed and realized.”
Each chapter begins with a one-page summary of a design principle that applies to both the design of a home and a life. For example, the principle “interior views” precedes the chapter on Listening to Your Dreams, and the principle “point of focus” precedes the chapter on Creating a Place and a Time of Your Own. These summary pages were among my favorite passages in the book.
Each chapter is followed by a thoughtful, well developed exercise to put into practice or delve deeper into the theme of the chapter. Most exercises require a commitment of time and attention in order to produce worthy results. You can’t just read through them, you will need to set aside alone time, turn off the phone(s) and pull out your notebook. I don’t think you’ll regret what happens.
"So when we find ourselves tired and frustrated by the direction of our lives and wanting to make room for things that have more significance and more meaning, we must realize that our image of fulfillment looks entirely different from the actual experiencing of fulfillment. It turns out to be unbelievably simple, requiring no doing at all, only a great letting go as we quit hanging on to the character in the waking dream that we believe to be our self and become aware that our lives are perfectly crafted to reveal who and what we really are. All that’s required is our presence. We just have to show up."
-Sarah Susanka
Practice Page
Here are a few more ideas for you to think about, write about, talk about, wonder about—on your own or with a friendly companion.
The One Word
Sometimes when I'm meeting with a client I'll ask for the one word that comes closest to revealing what they are meant to do with their life. If it seems helpful, I offer a few different examples: invent, guide, stone, color, improvement, fabric. My purpose is not to identify a next occupation or career, but rather to consider a particular way of being in the world and to brainstorm options that, at least on the surface, appear to be related to the chosen word.
Once we have a word to work with, my next question might be: So then, who gets to invent? ...Who gets to be a guide? ...Who gets to work with stone? ...Who gets to focus on color? ...Who gets to do improvement? ...Who gets to be with fabric?
As you can imagine, questions like the above quickly and easily reveal a web of possibility, all connected to one word.
A Word for You
Can you come up with a word from your life that captures the essence of what you love and are meant to be/ do? If so, write it down. If not, listen for several minutes to whatever words occur to you and write each one on a piece of paper, without critique or evaluation. Then look over your list and select the word that feels best to you right now.
Example:
Let's say you select the word “home.”
Your next step will be to pose a question using this word, similar to the questions I offered above: Perhaps “Who gets to work with home?” or “Who gets to focus on home?”
Repeat the question several times to make certain you like the sound and feel of it. Then record any ideas you have in response to the question, again without judgment. Our example might include the following ideas, and more:
Who gets to work with home?
homemaker
interior decorator
bed & breakfast owner
real estate agent
kitchen designer
menu planner
home improvement writer
feng shui consultant
dog walker / pet sitter
insurance agent
home cleaning service
estate sale service
home appraiser
home inspector
garden designer
antiques seller
home magazine editor
architect
home builder
home remodeler
furniture designer
upholsterer
home-based business owner
home goods buyer
and many, many more....
The point of making a list is to expand your perspective about who gets to focus on what you love. Don't worry if you are listing some things that hold no appeal for you. Each item on your list is simply a possible connection to even more things that you might love doing.
Your list is a lot like the path from the parking lot to the trailhead: a starting point for an exploration that leads you to discover more about what really matters to you.
Laurie Mattila
© August 2007
Upcoming Calendar:
Discovery Writing: Creating A FutureSM
For NEW Students:
Discovery Writing: Creating A Future
This six-session class uses “listening-writing” as a way to explore what you truly desire; it is also a process and a path to follow in creating your future.
Fall Schedule 2007
Thursday evenings ( 6:30 - 8:30 p.m. )
September 20 October 4, 18 November 1, 15, 29
Saturday mornings ( 9:00 - 11:00 a.m. )
September 22 October 6, 20 November 3, 17 December 1
View the online flyer to learn more about Discovery Writing: Creating A Future
For FORMER Students:
2007 Discovery Writing Weekend Retreat for Women
The annual fall retreat for Discovery Writing students is scheduled for the weekend of October 12-14 at StoneyWoods Retreat Center. The retreat welcomes all women who are former or current Discovery Writing participants. If space remains available, the retreat will open to any woman interested in personal discovery through listening-writing.
Detailed information will automatically be e-mailed to past registrants, as long as I have your current e-mail address. Let me know if you do not receive the retreat e-mail by August 15 and I will send it to you.
If you are not a former student, but interested in attending the retreat for the first time, please send me an e-mail requesting detailed information. Expect a response after August 15.
2008 Discovery Writing Yearlong Group
Next year will be the 10th year that I am offering a yearlong Discovery Writing group beginning in January and meeting monthly through December. I am still in awe of the process that evolves and the way our lives connect—sitting around the purple table—listening and writing. If you are a former student interested in participating in the 2008 yearlong group, watch for more details in the December newsletter. In the meantime, pencil the 3rd Tuesday evening of each month on your 2008 calendar. Please contact me if you have any questions.
Intentional Living-Meaningful Work SM
For ALL who are Interested:
September 2007 to May 2008 Group
In September, I'll begin a nine-month group that will meet once every month through next May. This group is open to anyone who is interested in exploring “living with intention and working with meaning,” whether or not you've taken the class. Our focus will remain paying attention to our lives.
We will meet on the second Tuesday of each month from 6:30-8:30 p.m. at my office in the Midway neighborhood of St. Paul. The cost is $100 per quarter, payable in any month of the quarter. Limit of 8 students.
Meeting dates (by quarter):
September 11, October 9, November 13
December 11, January 8, February 12
March 11, April 8, May 13
To register, or for additional information or questions: call my office at 651-644-7766 and leave a message, or send an e-mail to me at LaurieMattila@aol.com
About the Newsletter
This newsletter is created several times a year for my clients
and students, and anyone else interested in listening to and trusting
their own deep knowing. It is designed to support your process of
discovery and growth, and to bring you up-to-date about my practice.
It offers encouragement, guidance and resources for you.
You will find new issues posted on my website in the months of
April, August and December. I hope you add my website to your favorite
places and check back when the next issues are scheduled.
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