April 2006 Newsletter
Online Issue # 12

Profile of Lynne Olson

Questions:
“What if all the things that seem so unfair turn out to make sense after all? What if every life drama we needed for the growth of our soul was provided for us?”

Affirmation:
“I am given the circumstances I require for my awakening. Every situation, seen rightly, contains the seeds of my freedom.”

Questions and Affirmation by Joan Borysenko

“White Bird Must Fly Or She Will Die”

Ah. Life. Why can’t it be easy or fair? Why does it have to be so hard? Why? Why? Why?

The challenging, yet sweet and joyous journey of the past 16 years of my time on this planet has been rich with insides out, wrong sides up and right sides down. It’s been a journey of dark and of light, chaos, paradox, mystery and absolute delight. Rarely has it been easy. Let me also say I wouldn’t have done it any other way.

During this time, I’ve been twisting and turning, circling and spiraling, and above all, dancing back and forth along “the path.” You may ask, “What path is that?” Today I’d say it’s the path to authenticity, love, spirituality, and higher consciousness. However, in the beginning I knew only that I had to go on a journey. I sensed it would be of a spiritual nature, but I had no idea where I was going, how I’d get there, or what it would look like when I arrived. But I did know something needed to change.

What I know now – and what I was advised of from the beginning – is that the destination isn’t the goal. The gift is the journey itself. I’ve climbed up the spiral staircase towards the light and I’ve been pushed back down it into my depths – always moving up and down, sometimes resting and never landing on the same step twice. A constant thread has been my writing – the journaling, morning pages, poems, workshops, classes and retreats. It began as a tool, became an avocation and now it’s my vocation.

Leaping In

They say the longest journey begins with the smallest step. I didn’t know it then, but for me it was more like a leap. I had a vague notion that my long submerged authentic voice had started to whisper softly in my mind, but I really don’t know when I realized something was missing. I do remember the exact date when life as I knew it came to an abrupt halt and changed direction, moving toward some mysterious unknown future where I was not the one “in control.”

On August 14, 1990 I had an appointment to meet a psychic in a south Minneapolis pizza parlor. When I walked into the restaurant I didn’t know I’d be leaving it as a woman in turmoil and anguish, an emotional wreck fraught with extreme pain. Who was this stranger who knew nothing about the surface of my life, yet knew too much about my inner life? How dare he unearth the deep psychic traumas, dramas and the debris that I had conveniently tucked away? Yes, it was a painfully tumultuous experience and yes, I chose to do it. In retrospect, it was the “all aboard” call of my own freedom train traveling through a long dark tunnel toward the light.

My world was turned upside down. All the illusions I held about who I was were shattered, and over time I concluded that I needed to heal. Lake Superior called to me. So 16 months after the psychic reading, I moved to Duluth, which I called home for 11 years. The big lake provided the container that held my healing journey. In all seasons, she lured me into a safe yet spirited embrace with her “Big Sky” horizons, magical moods, and splendid sunsets reflected in her waters.

I settled into a sometimes intentional, sometimes “accidental,” and often frustratingly slow archeological dig of my life. Always, I seem to be tested in the continual development of the fine arts of trust, faith, patience, letting go and letting God. I know now that insights are revealed when I’m ready on some level to face them, even though it may not be readily apparent right away.

Forgetting that the “process” is about the journey itself and not the destination, there have been several times when I thought I’ve “arrived.” What the fool, me! The Universe usually responds with, “No, uh uh. Not by a long shot.” So then I’m given an opportunity to dig deeper, usually with a swift kick in the butt and a reminder that I’m not in control of what life sends me, just in how I choose to deal with it.

Heal is Just a Four-Letter Word

Is it possible that I can really boil the process of my journey down into this four-letter word, “heal?” I believe so, because by embracing the healing path I’ve come to experience a journey filled with extraordinarily ordinary moments brimming over with love, peace and joy. Yet concurrently, plenty of pain, shame and fear have “successfully” filled their own moments and here is where I believe the real healing takes place.

One of my most exquisite guiding quotes can be found in Sarah Ban Breathnach’s book, Simple Abundance. She says, “Pain prunes the unessential emotions, ambitions and illusions, teaching us the lessons we either consciously or unconsciously refuse to be taught by joy.” By walking through pain, I’ve been able to unearth the beliefs, attitudes and behaviors that kept me safe and sheltered, not only from life’s storms, but also from its gifts.

Since I began this now lifelong journey I’ve been blessed with a multitude of opportunities from the Universe to drive my growth. A short list includes: relocation (twice), job loss (twice), breast cancer, severe clinical depression, financial instability, and a house fire (not in that order). Add to that mix an amazing, yet sometimes tumultuous relationship over the last two years that has both filled me with a beautiful love and been the mirror I needed for digging into the most secret parts of my psyche. It’s offered some painful opportunities to walk deep into my soul and come out the other side a better person.

On the other hand, there have also been joyous gifts that have provided a rich foundation and evolving toolbox that I can use for traversing situations the Universe tosses me. These include: gratitude, awareness, acceptance and mystery; a deep connection with Mother Nature and the circle of the seasons; discovering the Feminine Divine and the power of ritual; a meditation practice that prepares me for my daily rounds along with life’s potholes and speed bumps; traveling in and out of “the dark night of the soul;” the companionship of a wonderful and feisty dog who took long walks in the woods with me and taught me unconditional love; and so much more.

Add to the list the wonderfully spirited people I’ve encountered along the way. They have been the teachers, guides, angels, supporters, healers and connectors who have enriched my life in ways known and unknown. The old saying, “When the student is ready, the teacher appears,” has played itself out again and again, all in perfectly elegant timing.

Then there are the words, the eloquent, meaningful and powerful words that constantly swirl in and around my mind. Coming in a wealth of forms including quotes, songs, books and conversations, words have greatly enriched and influenced the sum of my experience. Poet Rita Mae Brown says, “Words exert hidden power, like the moon on the tides.” That simple metaphor is deep in meaning and has begged me to be mindfully aware of the influence my words and thoughts have on the outcomes in my life. My own journey has illustrated to me loud and clear that we are what we think and believe.

The Cage Door Opens

Many of my most profound “aha” moments have their roots in words. In 1997, when I was in a particularly difficult stage of my dark night of the soul, my mind resurrected “White Bird,” one of my favorite songs from the 1970s.

It was an abnormally hot July day in Duluth, midway through a week-long writing course called “Autobiography of the Soul.” I was lying on my bed directly underneath the overhead fan, trying to remain cool. The words I had been writing and hearing that week were having a dramatic effect on me. Wracking, painful sobs emanated from a place – a soul place – deep, deep inside me, when I heard “it” furtively flit across my mind. “White Bird’s” haunting lyrics and melody snuck back into my consciousness and I reached out to grab on tight. It arrived right on time.

White bird
In a golden cage
On a winter’s day
In the rain
White bird
In a golden cage
Alone
White bird must fly
Or she will die **

This experience was another major turning point. The door to the cage I had put myself in early in life was now open, and it was up to me to do the work if I was ever to fly free. Since then it has become increasingly easier to make the difficult choices – when challenges arise – to delve into the murky mud of my existence, having faith and trust that I must walk through it in order to come out the other side. And the beauty of it is that what is on the other side is so ordinary that it’s really quite extraordinary.

Spreading My Wings

How does this spiritual journey I’ve been traveling inform the me I am today? For one thing, life is far richer and more joyful than it was when I began. In “being,” rather than “doing,” my life has slowed down dramatically. It’s simpler and more mindful, allowing me to find spirit, beauty and joy in the mundane experiences that fill my days.

Our culture is hell bent in driving people to be constantly “connected” to everywhere but where they are. My response is to be as present as I can be where I am. Whether it’s the sunlight casting rainbows about my bedroom, the big full moon rising up from Lake Superior, a kitty curled up tight in her bed, or sinking my hands into warm dishwater when I’m chilled, life is filled with sweet moments to immerse myself in. They allow my heart to be filled with gratitude and grace, knowing that I’m blessed.

Always striving to let go of attachment to outcome, I try to live from a place of unconditional love and not get bogged down by the pervasive fear that is everywhere. Fear keeps the buds of our authentic selves from blossoming into the divine expression of who we’re meant to be. Even though I often fall down, I take a deep breath to center myself and pick myself up again, knowing that everything is impermanent and I’m being given another opportunity to learn. It’s not always easy or perfect. But then who is perfect?

My learning has given me strength to handle life’s challenges from what I pray is a place of wisdom and love, turning toward the God of my understanding for support and guidance. Almost two years ago, I was diagnosed with early stage breast cancer (which was immediately removed). Rather than turn on my heels and dive down into the dark tunnel of fear, almost immediately I was able to embrace this lump on the bumpy road of life from a place of love and healing. I knew deep in my heart that I was being held in light and that on some level all was well. That doesn’t mean that it wasn’t scary at times, because believe me it was. But the journey through cancer provided me opportunities to be particularly mindful of the language I used as well as to experience and integrate the deepest healing yet of my body, mind, soul and spirit. And so it goes.

We each have our own journey to travel. What works for you, may not work for me and vice versa. Yet we can learn from each other’s stories, for sharing them can confirm, affirm and validate our own journey. Stories give us other perspectives and remind us that we’re really not alone. They can help us know that we’re not crazy, lazy or hazy and that maybe – just maybe – the chaos will ease, making room for us to just be where we are at the moment. Our journeys are what they are – nothing more and nothing less. Therein lies the grace of transformation.

The white bird is finally flying free…sometimes. So be it and so it is.

And the day came when the risk to remain tight in the bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom. — Anais Nin

written by Lynne Olson
© April 2006

Lynne Olson is an “accidental writer” who has transformed her writing from avocation into vocation. She aspires to write about issues surrounding health care, seeking to be a voice that helps bridge the East and the West. To pay the bills, Lynne is a professional – and published – writer for hire, who helps small businesses and organizations communicate their messages to those who need to know. You can contact her at lynnemolson@yahoo.com.

** Lyrics by Dave and Linda Laflamme of It's A Beautiful Day

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