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December 2005 Newsletter Profile of Karen Carr"You do not find compassion simply by listening to people; you open the channel by removing the barriers to tenderness within you." -Roz Zander, The Art of Possibility
LIFE IS A RIVERWater has always offered me a tranquil refuge. I love the water, the ocean waves, the royal blue of Lake Superior, and the teal of Lake Vadnais. I feel lucky just to see that water. Rivers offer movement and flow that I equate with life's meanderings. The buoyancy of my body and my life is something I appreciate. Many friends have helped me to remember this buoyancy and for this I'm thankful. BOULDERSMy father died in January 2000 and at the same time my oldest son was very sick. I was working as a middle school English teacher. In this place of grief I was given a pink slip. Annual layoffs are business as usual in the world of public education. But this notice held more significance than the ones I'd received before…this time it looked like an invitation to explore. Teaching was not my only option. I wondered what other ways there were, less stressful but just as creative ways, to make my living? I would search them out. After months of informational interviews with people in fields that interested me and also with career counselors, I found my calling. The description that rolled off my tongue of a position I'd never heard of before was personal life coaching. When three different women told me this is what they heard when I described my ideal work, I had to listen. I felt like an archeologist who's uncovered the fossil of the first dinosaur! More research was needed. This time, maybe because of my excitement to learn, the research was easier; there weren't an overwhelming number of coaching schools. When I attended my first life coaching workshop, offered through The Coaches Training Institute out of San Rafael, CA, I heard myself saying, "Even if I don't become a professional life coach, this work which feels so natural will make me a better person." And I did and it has. EDDIESI'm happier now than I've ever been. At the urging of my first coach, meditation is present in my life in the form of walking my schnoodle-dog Annie on a tree-cloaked path almost every morning. This is something I must do intentionally or, at the end of this short walk, I'll have only hashed over everyday stuff. Sloughing off everyday stuff (like what day it is and which bills need paying?) is required and so is the practice of letting go. A good friend of mine sent me the following e-mail.
CALM FLOWGratitude is part of every waking minute. The river is rippling and beautiful. I choose the path open to me and I watch the shimmering water for graceful waves. Last winter I picked up a book that immediately impacted my life. Real Love by Greg Baer defines unconditional love as "caring about another person without expectation." This sentence had me tearing around in my heart for answers like a person who's late for an interview puts gas in her car: desperately. Here, I thought I was being the best parent possible. This discovery (that I could love my three sons now ages 27, 23 and 11 without expectation just as I loved my one-year-old granddaughter who could do no wrong) was truly an epiphany! Not to mention loving ex-partners and others who appeared to me to be just plain difficult people. Could I incorporate this new attitude into my daily world? Wouldn't my canoe of life capsize with the added turbulence? On closer inspection, what was clear was that I had unconditional love for my clients. That's why I could help them. It was and is all for their benefit, as it should be. It is my job to encourage dreams, and recognize and strengthen muscles of self-development they may not otherwise use! I also had unconditional love for my sweet toddling granddaughter. Wasn't being a grandparent the epitome of caring about someone else without expectation? Yes! I made the announcement about wanting to be a more unconditionally loving person at a family gathering. One of my sisters laughed at me. Pushing the issue, I held my ground. It was vital to explain the discovery I'd made. For one thing, I was excited to learn and feel something so profoundly that it made me a happier, more compassionate person almost immediately. I was willing to be laughed at as long as I felt heard. So I described how Real Love is about never speaking in anger to my child because it would be impossible for him then to feel my love. It was my responsibility to ask others, friends old and new, to listen to my frustrations and confessions of mistakes and regrets. In addition to my own coach I would ask others to support me in being the best parent possible. As a side note, in addition to creating a happier home for my child, it has created deeper, more meaningful friendships. This journey has not been smooth and easy; change rarely is. But this change, of choosing to live from a place of unconditional love as much as possible, has created more vibrancy and aliveness in all of my relationships. Today the water surrounds me. Ever present are the rich songs of nature: crickets chirping, sparrows trilling, squirrels clicking to one another. The permeability of water is to be relished as I stroke and sway, righting myself and staying afloat, then spending time beneath the surface, exploring the mystery in all of it. What is around the next bend in my river? One passion draws me toward it. As part of my coaching practice, with permission from the author to use his book, Real Love in Parenting, I am offering a class for those interested in steering their lives into calmer water. Consider joining me. For more information about the class or personal coaching, I welcome your call. With love and ease, Karen Carr
© November 2005
Note: The website for SARK is www.planetsark.com |
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phone: 651-644-7766 • mail@LaurieMattila.com • www.LaurieMattila.com Bless the time spent here… seeking listening dreaming.
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