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This is the print-friendly version of the December 2005 Newsletter
- Online Issue # 11
December 2005 Newsletter
Online Issue # 11
In this Issue:
See also, the print-friendly version of this newsletter (all the articles are on one web page).
Look for the next issue in April.
The Front Page
Spilling Over With Joy
As we enter the span of days between Thanksgiving and the new year, we enter the season known for its love, joy and goodwill. Toward all? Toward ourselves? If we are willing, there is always more to contemplate and discover. But contemplation takes time, and we all know that many of us now live time deprived lives year round.
This past year our world witnessed massive suffering that has touched almost everyone. Even those not directly affected are still affected from a distance, although in ways less life-threatening and less painful. More and more of us are truly beginning to grasp the intimacy of connections here on planet Earth. What does or doesn't happen to you, affects us all. So whenever you choose to live true to your heart and soul, you aren't the only one affected. Your whole world is.
"I'm gonna let the Laughing River, flow right into my soul." -Greg Brown
The first time I heard Greg Brown's recording of the song "Laughing River"—the lyrics and the music went right to my soul and I wanted to hear that laughing river myself and feel it inside me. Back then, I didn't know exactly what that meant or how it would come about, but I wanted it. In this way the laughing river became a guiding energy for me. It wasn't just about making a point to laugh more, although I still want to do that. It called to me about living in a way that allowed a beautiful energy to flow freely through me and into the world: letting go, holding nothing back, without fear, with joy and trusting it all. It felt like a life spilling over with wonderful energy: at home, at the grocery store, at the post office, in my office, everywhere. I wanted to manifest a laughing river in my life and in my soul.
Taking time to focus on the laughing river in your own life might seem like a selfish waste of time, especially in a world where so much needs doing. But I've noticed the transformational power in individuals who clearly hear the laughing river of their own deep joy and allow it to guide their choices in life and work. I've felt it in their presence, a loving attention to who and what is in front of them; I've seen the way they show up and hold nothing back. I've experienced it myself—being fully present to the task at hand and entering into the joy of it, not just because the task is so inherently enjoyable, although sometimes it is. Entering the joy of the laughing river is the way I want to be in the task, and in life, regardless. This continues to be the challenge in my own growth and also the heart of my work: allowing the joy to flow.
I was recently surprised when I turned the page on my office calendar, "The Poetry of Rumi," from November to December to check on an upcoming appointment. The selection for December 2005 reads:
"When you do things from your soul, you feel a river moving in you, a joy." -Rumi
There it was again. I also noticed the theme appearing in a series of questions in Lynn Robinson's book, Compass Of The Soul, which I reviewed in this newsletter. "Does this decision make me happy?" "Do I feel energized by this decision?" "What would be the most perfect outcome to this situation?" "What do I want?" In other words, What does my soul want?
This is a fine time of the year to pose soulful questions. Cold, dark nights are the perfect backdrop for their contemplation. And so is the end of year review many of us naturally perform, looking back over the past twelve months of our lives noting the high and low points, the upward and downward trends and the stuck places, promising ourselves that next year will be different. But how many of us ask our souls what they still yearn for, or if we already know, how many of us dare to risk letting go of our own fading, dispirited agendas and throw open our lives to leap into the river of joy—trusting our own soul's guidance?
The truth is we often feel ill-prepared for such high adventure, as domesticated as we've become. But, if we're lucky, something happens somewhere in our world and we are called to go beyond our present selves and there is no turning back or pretending not to hear. Maybe we grasp that our days are finite and we have spent months, even years, being miserable or bored. Maybe we admit our pain and the emotional cost of continuing to pursue what we do not love, or even care about. Maybe we are forced to leap when the structures that once supported us topple. However it happens, our soulful instincts are always there for us and we can begin to know our joy and ourselves again. Like an accomplished dancer we'll begin to move from our center, not our head, and everything else will follow. The music, the song and the dance are in us; they always were. We become the laughing river, spilling over with joy that will not be contained.
With gratitude,
Laurie Mattila
Note: The song "Laughing River" is found on Greg Brown's 1992 CD "Dream Cafe" on the Red House Records label at www.redhouserecords.com
The 2006 "Poetry of Rumi" calendar is available at www.brushdance.com
Good Books
Coming To Our Senses
Healing Ourselves And The World Through Mindfulness
by Jon Kabat-Zinn
Hyperion, 2005
hardcover, $24.95
Last winter I attended a class on Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction based on the program developed by Jon Kabat-Zinn and introduced in his earlier book Full Catastrophe Living. I loved the class and was excited to have his new book to look forward to once the class ended.
Now that I'm reading Coming to Our Senses it feels as though it will be a work in progress. There are 609 pages and I'm moving through them slowly and randomly. Not only is there a lot to read, there is a lot to consider, distill and absorb. I find myself reading a chapter and then setting the book aside for awhile, or sometimes just reading one chapter several times.
Coming to Our Senses is organized into eight parts, beginning with Meditation: It's Not What You Think and ending with Let The Beauty We Love Be What We Do. There are chapters with intriguing titles: Original Moments, Filling Up All Our Moments and Dying Before You Die, but there are others I'll be tempted to skip. So far, Kabat-Zinn consistently offers thoughtful stories, clearly articulated insights, information about the body/mind connection and gentle instruction in mindfulness—all with a genuine heart for opening readers to the tremendous possibilities for healing ourselves and our world.
What I'm valuing most about reading the book is the opportunity to stop and to be in the company of a gifted teacher who demonstrates compassionate acceptance of what is, over and over and over again—a teacher who models beginning, over and over and over again.
"To be present is far from trivial. It may be the hardest work in the world. And forget about the "may be." It is the hardest work in the world—at least to sustain presence. And the most important."
-Jon Kabat-Zinn
The Unmistakable Touch Of Grace
by Cheryl Richardson
Free Press, 2005
hardcover, $23.00
Cheryl Richardson, professional life coach, is the author of Take Time for Your Life, Life Makeovers, and Stand Up for Your Life. Unlike her earlier bestsellers, The Unmistakable Touch of Grace is a more personal book in which Richardson shares her spiritual journey. Her own stories detailing encounters with Divine grace are intertwined with stories from the lives of friends and clients with whom she has worked.
Instead of focusing on how to begin living a life touched by grace, Richardson takes a different approach—recognizing the grace that has been and already is in our lives. In the Introduction she offers readers a helpful statement to use with experiments in recognizing grace: "I am open and receptive to the power of grace in my life now. I ask to be shown clear examples of how this energy is operating in my life." I used these words myself as I read the book and found them amazingly helpful.
Richardson suggests starting a "grace journal." Each chapter ends with an experiment "designed to help you recognize and use the power of grace in your own life." Most of these include a series of questions to be explored in the journal. Excellent resources for further exploration are listed after each experiment: mainly books and websites with a few magazines.
"The answers I was searching for were in the silence. In the past, meditation meant quieting my mind long enough to hear my intuition or inner wisdom. Now I was beginning to understand something more important—the answer was the silence itself."
-Cheryl Richardson
Compass Of The Soul
52 Ways Intuition Can Guide You to the Life of Your Dreams
by Lynn A. Robinson
Andrews McMeel, 2003
paperback, $14.95
Compass Of The Soul consists of fifty-two chapters or lessons intended to help readers recognize intuition, the wisdom within, and use its messages as a trusted guide in all areas of life. In each brief chapter Robinson offers accessible ideas that speak to the heart and what it longs for. Her message is consistent: Listen for your intuition. Learn to recognize how it communicates with you. Allow your intuition to reveal to you what you need to know.
Every chapter opens with an inspirational quote related to the lesson. Each lesson is followed by an exercise designed to develop intuition and a section for journal exploration that includes well thought out questions.
The book lends itself to a yearlong study, working with one chapter each week, either in a group or on your own. Without a table of contents, it also invites browsing to find a chapter title that grabs your attention now.
If you find Robinson's approach helpful, you'll want to look for two of her other books: Divine Intuition and Real Prosperity.
"Living an intuitive life is much more than simply paying attention to your intuition. It includes looking within for the answers, living life with courage, faith, patience, and trust. It also involves connecting with your Spirit through daily practice and taking action on the wisdom you receive."
-Lynn A. Robinson
The Best Year of Your Life
Dream It, Plan It, Live It
by Debbie Ford
HarperSan Francisco, 2005
hardcover, $21.95
If this past year wasn't the best year of your life, or if you've never had a best year of your life, or if you want next year (and every year after that) to be the best, Debbie Ford wrote this book for you.
The Best Year of Your Life goes beyond predictable, superficial advice on how to make dreams come true. As the subtitle implies, Ford does what may self-help books do: she guides readers through the process of dreaming, planning and acting. Here's where her work diverges; she exposes the common tendency to choose the easy way out, a way that keeps us stuck in "habitual patterns and behaviors that offer us no rewards—the thoughts, habits, excuses and behaviors that keep us from living our best lives." Ford focuses on our use of excuses, negative internal dialogue, blame, righteous positions and self-defeating behaviors. She offers examples to help readers recognize these patterns in their own lives, as well as ways to develop and choose workable alternatives to move past these obstacles with intent and integrity.
"Most of us have put some kind of limitations on what we can and cannot have, what we can and cannot do, and who we can and cannot be...instead of joyfully going about the task of making the lives we are living great, we daydream about the life we wish we were living."
"When there are no excuses, there will be only one path for you to take: the path to the best year of your life."
-Debbie Ford
Health Journeys
Resources for Mind, Body and Spirit
1-800-800-8661
www.healthjourneys.com
This is a resource, not a book, for superb Guided Imagery CDs by Belleruth Naparstek. Dozens of titles are available: relaxation, healing, stress, depression, surgery, recovery, sleep, well-being... Most of the CDs include simple instructions, followed by guided imagery and affirmations. Naparstek's distinctive voice combined with calming background music helps to release powerful, healing energies. Prices for individual CDs are about $18.00.
Profile of Karen Carr
"You do not find compassion simply by listening to people; you open the channel by removing the barriers to tenderness within you."
-Roz Zander, The Art of Possibility
LIFE IS A RIVER
Water has always offered me a tranquil refuge. I love the water, the ocean waves, the royal blue of Lake Superior, and the teal of Lake Vadnais. I feel lucky just to see that water. Rivers offer movement and flow that I equate with life's meanderings. The buoyancy of my body and my life is something I appreciate. Many friends have helped me to remember this buoyancy and for this I'm thankful.
BOULDERS
My father died in January 2000 and at the same time my oldest son was very sick. I was working as a middle school English teacher. In this place of grief I was given a pink slip.
Annual layoffs are business as usual in the world of public education. But this notice held more significance than the ones I'd received before…this time it looked like an invitation to explore.
Teaching was not my only option. I wondered what other ways there were, less stressful but just as creative ways, to make my living? I would search them out. After months of informational interviews with people in fields that interested me and also with career counselors, I found my calling. The description that rolled off my tongue of a position I'd never heard of before was personal life coaching. When three different women told me this is what they heard when I described my ideal work, I had to listen. I felt like an archeologist who's uncovered the fossil of the first dinosaur! More research was needed. This time, maybe because of my excitement to learn, the research was easier; there weren't an overwhelming number of coaching schools. When I attended my first life coaching workshop, offered through The Coaches Training Institute out of San Rafael, CA, I heard myself saying, "Even if I don't become a professional life coach, this work which feels so natural will make me a better person." And I did and it has.
EDDIES
I'm happier now than I've ever been. At the urging of my first coach, meditation is present in my life in the form of walking my schnoodle-dog Annie on a tree-cloaked path almost every morning. This is something I must do intentionally or, at the end of this short walk, I'll have only hashed over everyday stuff. Sloughing off everyday stuff (like what day it is and which bills need paying?) is required and so is the practice of letting go. A good friend of mine sent me the following e-mail.
I ripped this saying out of my SARK calendar:
"Good morning,
This is God.
I will be handling all your problems today.
I will not need your help.
So have a good time.
I love you."
CALM FLOW
Gratitude is part of every waking minute. The river is rippling and beautiful. I choose the path open to me and I watch the shimmering water for graceful waves.
Last winter I picked up a book that immediately impacted my life. Real Love by Greg Baer defines unconditional love as "caring about another person without expectation." This sentence had me tearing around in my heart for answers like a person who's late for an interview puts gas in her car: desperately. Here, I thought I was being the best parent possible. This discovery (that I could love my three sons now ages 27, 23 and 11 without expectation just as I loved my one-year-old granddaughter who could do no wrong) was truly an epiphany! Not to mention loving ex-partners and others who appeared to me to be just plain difficult people. Could I incorporate this new attitude into my daily world? Wouldn't my canoe of life capsize with the added turbulence?
On closer inspection, what was clear was that I had unconditional love for my clients. That's why I could help them. It was and is all for their benefit, as it should be. It is my job to encourage dreams, and recognize and strengthen muscles of self-development they may not otherwise use!
I also had unconditional love for my sweet toddling granddaughter. Wasn't being a grandparent the epitome of caring about someone else without expectation? Yes!
I made the announcement about wanting to be a more unconditionally loving person at a family gathering. One of my sisters laughed at me. Pushing the issue, I held my ground. It was vital to explain the discovery I'd made. For one thing, I was excited to learn and feel something so profoundly that it made me a happier, more compassionate person almost immediately. I was willing to be laughed at as long as I felt heard. So I described how Real Love is about never speaking in anger to my child because it would be impossible for him then to feel my love.
It was my responsibility to ask others, friends old and new, to listen to my frustrations and confessions of mistakes and regrets. In addition to my own coach I would ask others to support me in being the best parent possible. As a side note, in addition to creating a happier home for my child, it has created deeper, more meaningful friendships.
This journey has not been smooth and easy; change rarely is. But this change, of choosing to live from a place of unconditional love as much as possible, has created more vibrancy and aliveness in all of my relationships. Today the water surrounds me. Ever present are the rich songs of nature: crickets chirping, sparrows trilling, squirrels clicking to one another. The permeability of water is to be relished as I stroke and sway, righting myself and staying afloat, then spending time beneath the surface, exploring the mystery in all of it.
What is around the next bend in my river? One passion draws me toward it. As part of my coaching practice, with permission from the author to use his book, Real Love in Parenting, I am offering a class for those interested in steering their lives into calmer water. Consider joining me.
For more information about the class or personal coaching, I welcome your call.
Embrace Your Essential Self: Personal Coaching for Fulfillment and Joy
651.426.5123 or e-mail CarrEyes@qwest.net
Real Love in Parenting class description & schedule at www.healingwaters-mn.com
With love and ease,
Karen Carr
© November 2005
Note: The website for SARK is www.planetsark.com
Upcoming Calendar:
Discovery Writing: Creating A FutureSM
For NEW Students:
Discovery Writing: Creating A Future
This six-session class uses process writing as a way to explore what you truly desire; it is also a path to follow in creating your future.
Winter Schedule 2006
Saturday mornings ( 9:00 - 11:00 a.m. )
January 21 February 4, 18 March 4, 18 April 1
Monday evenings ( 6:30 - 8:30 p.m. )
January 30 February 13, 27 March 13, 27 April 10
Fall Schedule 2006
Wednesday evenings ( 6:30 - 8:30 p.m. )
September 20 October 4, 18 November 1, 15, 29
Saturday mornings ( 9:00 - 11:00 a.m. )
September 23 October 7, 21 November 4, 18 December 2
View the online flyer to learn more about Discovery Writing: Creating A Future
For FORMER Students:
2006 Year-long Group
I will offer one new year-long group meeting on the 2nd Tuesday evening of each month from January through December. Detailed information will be mailed to all former Discovery Writing students in early December. The monthly format of the year-long group is a wonderful way to continue the listening-writing process and support ongoing discovery.
If you have a conflict with the 2nd Tuesday of each month, please contact me about joining one of the existing groups that plan to continue for another year; one group meets on the 3rd Monday and another on the 3rd Tuesday.
Intentional Living—Meaningful Work SM
For New Students:
Intentional Living—Meaningful Work will be offered again this winter through The Compleat Scholar program at the University of Minnesota. The four-session class will meet at the Continuing Education and Conference Center on the St. Paul campus on the following Wednesday evenings: February 1, 8, 15, 22 from 6:30-8:30 p.m. Registrations will be handled by The Compleat Scholar Program at 612-625-7777.
Feel free to contact Laurie Mattila directly if you have specific questions about the class itself. Call my office number 651-644-7766 to leave a voicemail message.
Winter Weekend Retreat for Women
February 10-12, 2006
Cultivating Sacred Stillness
Laurie Mattila and Terry Pearson will offer this new retreat scheduled for the weekend of February 10-12 at StoneyWoods Retreat Center. The retreat is open to all women who are interested in exploring sacred stillness through guided meditation, listening and writing. Terry is a Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction Facilitator who teaches at the Center for Spirituality and Healing at the University of Minnesota and at The Marsh. Laurie has been offering women's retreats for almost ten years. She works in private practice as a Career Counselor in St. Paul and is also the developer and instructor for the Discovery Writing process.
Although the retreat will focus on stillness, it won't be a silent retreat. If you are interested in receiving detailed information with registration materials, please contact Laurie Mattila. Send e-mail requests to mail@LaurieMattila.com or call 651-644-7766 to leave a voicemail message with your contact information.
About the Newsletter
This newsletter is created several times a year for my clients
and students, and anyone else interested in listening to and trusting
their own deep knowing. It is designed to support your process of
discovery and growth, and to bring you up-to-date about my practice.
It offers encouragement, guidance and resources for you.
You will find new issues posted on my website in the months of
April, August and December. I hope you add my website to your favorite
places and check back when the next issues are scheduled.
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Feel free to share this newsletter and my website with others who
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