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This is the print-friendly version of the December 2004 Newsletter
- Online Issue # 8
December 2004 Newsletter
Online Issue # 8
In this Issue:
See also, the print-friendly version of
this newsletter (all the articles are on one web page).
Look for the next issue in April.
The Front Page
The Necessity of Darkness
Each year as the calendar turns to November, I follow an impulse to consider what is yet possible and necessary, this year and this life. While many dread the impending darkness, I openly celebrate the time to do what needs to be done. Somehow the darkening days of November and December are perfectly suited to my introspective brooding process.
Maybe the darkness reveals some tiny flicker I am hoping to detect.
I have lived in my current city home since 1987, one block off a well-lighted commercial street. It is easy to drive at night here forgetting to turn on the car's headlights because the night is too well lit. So what happened this November amazes me.
On a recent Sunday evening, shortly after 6:00 p.m., I left the house with my husband to pick up a pizza we had ordered. Standing in our city driveway we witnessed a display of the northern lights, the Aurora Borealis, as did many others in our community and neighboring areas. The display led to excited phone calls, news alerts and a photo in the morning paper. What I witnessed standing in my driveway may not have been as colorful or spectacular as the show in more rural areas, but for me the miracle was not diminished. A longing I had penciled in my notebook had just come true: SEE THE NORTHERN LIGHTS. When I wrote this several years ago, I imagined the need to travel somewhere else, maybe Churchill, Manitoba, a place where the northern lights are famously visible. Instead, they revealed themselves to me right where I was on the most ordinary of days. And had the darkness been greater, the lights would have been more intense.
Since then, I have been thinking of the necessity of darkness. And of how darkness reveals the glow or flicker of even a dim light that would be washed away in brighter light. Some of the mysteries I love depend on the dark for their finest display: fireflies and stars, moonflowers and candles, sleep and dreams, lightning and eclipses, comets and shooting stars. As do many germinating seeds, fireworks and neon signs. But so do some of the scariest unknowns I can imagine; and that, for me, is the problem with darkness. Do I dare venture into the unexplored, dimly lit regions of my own possibility in order to discover—who knows what?
This November I ponder the still smoldering embers of desire or destiny waiting to be found and tended. I know that I cannot detect them in the bright light of an already too busy day. It takes the long, dark nights at the end of each year for me to settle down and settle in—to search the far horizons of my life for the glow of something that still burns with untapped desire.
And so I sit in the darkness, warmed by candlelight and shawl, savoring the emptiness that heals. I wait like one by the fire for someone or something to show up. Some evenings it seems that I detect a faint something, perhaps a rustling movement in the shadows or an imagined light. But nothing is certain and nothing is clear. Yet I continue to return, growing more confident that what I wait for exists. I don't understand this need or my willingness to wait in darkness, to trust in darkness. Somehow it seems unlike the me I know best: focused, creating, productive.
Perhaps it is more like the me I will always be getting to know, the me I most long for, the divine me. The one who tends the fires of my soul and companions me on my journey to discover the guiding signal fires of my own life. The fires that flicker just for me and will never go out. The ones I must see first in darkness to trust in the light of day.
And so I sit, as often as I can, on these dark pre-winter evenings. Waiting for the inspiration of the next guiding lights, marking a new path and a new year. Because I know that last year's guidance is expiring and each new day or night requires a fresh infusion for action and boldness.
Join me late some afternoon or evening, wherever you are. Join me for ten minutes or for five. Savor the silence and the candle's flame that marks your place on this globe of wonder. Breathe out the old and breathe in the new, and do it again. Scan the horizon for the light you've been ignoring, or the one you didn't yet know was there. Then look for it again, and again and again. And on the days you trust it's there for you, a guiding signal toward something, offer thanks. And when you're ready, stop sitting and get up and give it all you have, whatever it is. And if it seems more than you can handle, ask for help. Then expect help to come. Whatever you do, don't let the flame in your imagination go out. And in the full light of day, don't for a moment believe it isn't burning—for you, for me, for everyone and everything, everywhere.
That's why I love November and December and January too.
With gratitude,
Laurie Mattila
Good Books
This Time I Dance!
Trusting the Journey of Creating the Work You Love
by Tama Kieves
Tarcher/Penguin, 2004
paperback, $12.95
Tama Kieves wasn't always a writer and life/work coach. Before that, she graduated from Harvard Law School and was on the partnership track in a large corporate law firm, but miserable. "This Time I Dance" is the story of her transformation out of law and into writing, and more. It began when a friend asked the question, "If you're this successful doing what you don't love, what could you do with work you do love?"
This book won't tell you everything you need to do to discover your dream and make it happen; no book can do that. Instead, you'll find transparent stories from Kieves' life showing you "the way this creative adventure revealed itself" to her, along with noteworthy insights about seeking and finding heart-filled work. You will be immersed in the love of writing, the necessity of daring and allowing, the fear of saying yes or no and then letting go, the lonely confusing stretches in between, the wisdom lurking within and all the grace revealed. Readers with writing aspirations will be doubly blessed to observe this book being birthed.
I couldn't decide on just one quote from the book, so here are several:
"I dedicate this book to that part of myself that inched forward when a thousand winds blew and she had but one small pink birthday candle to hold up her wish."
"From the minute I began writing this book, I wanted to be an advocate, a champion, a paper mentor to those who long to create a livelihood from their natural talents, their dreams, and their love. A mentor stands before us, not with answers, but as an answer. They have "been there," faced their own ravaging nights, and now they are here, in the dawn, somewhat intact, and with any luck, dancing. In their presence, our own sense of danger loses a claw or a fang. Then we begin to breathe or even dare to dream in color."
"I never consciously set out to do any of this. Not any of it. And thank goodness for the foresight to have no foresight because I could never have mapped out this unthinkable tapestry of grace."
-Tama Kieves
Spiritual Literacy
Reading the Sacred in Everyday Life
by Frederic and Mary Ann Brussat
Simon & Schuster, 1998
paperback, $15.00
"Spiritual Literacy" was published in hardcover in 1996 and came out in paperback two years later. I'm including it now because it remains a valuable companion for cultivating everyday spirituality. Anywhere you open the book is an opportunity for something significant to occur. You'll find an alphabet of spiritual practices (attention, beauty, connections.... yearning, zeal), as well as essays, poems, stories and excerpts. You'll be introduced to writers whose work you'll want to read further. More than anything, you'll discover a convenient way to stop briefly and consider things that matter. Every chapter ends with suggestions for practicing spiritual literacy through conversation/writing, action and ritual. I especially like that the readings lend themselves to aimless browsing and random sampling in order to come upon some truly helpful or inspiring thing—often exactly what you needed.
"Life is a sacred adventure. Every day we encounter signs that point to the active presence of Spirit in the world around us. Spiritual literacy is the ability to read the signs written in the texts of our own experiences."
-Frederic & Mary Ann Brussat
Invisible Acts of Power
Personal Choices that Create Miracles
by Caroline Myss
Free Press, 2004
hardcover, $24.00
"Invisible Acts of Power" is a lovely collaboration between Caroline Myss and twelve hundred individuals who responded to her website request for stories about "their experiences with grace and life-changing acts of service." Myss doesn't just offer a collection of touching stories, she uses them to explore and illuminate how the energies of the seven chakras correspond to personal acts of power: "I discovered that just as there is a hierarchy of power, there is also a hierarchy of grace. And I realized that the call to be of service to one another, the intuition that prompts us to use our power to help others, is wired into our physical and spiritual nature."
The most surprising thing about reading this book was how it opened up a stream of personal memories/stories from my own life; in some I offered help and in others help came to me. As I continued reading and remembering, the world seemed somehow more gentle, more tender, and I felt safer than I have in a long while because I felt the healing power of small choices that make all the difference.
"I had not considered, before writing this book, that caring for others and going that extra mile for family, friends, coworkers, or strangers could have a connection to our physical health. Now I believe that the human spirit needs to develop generosity and compassion to be healthy. We need to respond to others' vulnerabilities in the process of addressing and healing our own."
-Caroline Myss
Profile of Sarah Elizabeth
SPIRITUAL AWAKENING
Nine years ago I put both feet on the path and began walking, spiritually. Life situations began changing drastically for me, starting with a divorce in 1995.
Looking back I can see how the marriage to which I pledged was nothing to aspire to, really. Somehow, in my young life a belief formed and lodged deep within, telling me what would give me status and add meaning to my life was to find a man and get married. Needless to say, I was a desperate player in the dating game and made several unskillful moves.
As the reality of my failing marriage became closer and closer, divorce had to become an option as much as I opposed the thought of it. More than that, I feared divorce, thinking and believing if I was to go through with it, the world would fall out from under me.
In 1995 I made the decision to end my marriage, and unlike choosing to go forward in marriage with a partner, I made this decision on my own. This is the key to my spiritual awakening. For the first time in my life I made a clear and sensible decision, following an inner voice that had my best interests in mind. I saw what I was faced with and, with the grace of angels, I moved in rhythm with an appealing energy and was led away from fear. The world did not fall out from under me. Rather, it caught me and greeted me wholeheartedly upon my return. Moving the last piece of furniture out of the shared house was done with hands and with wings. Angels carried me over the threshold, and my oh my, was it romantic. It was real.
A PASSION FOR LEARNING
In my new life I met me and I spent quality time listening to what was important. I was guided inward to the place I had been missing – for so long. Alas, an overdue creative Self was born. A young exuberant spirit emerged and all the earth's landscape looked to be one big field upon which to play.
What would be my first brave and daring maneuver? School. Writing! I signed up for both literature and poetry courses at the University of Minnesota. This was a huge move for a woman, now in her mid thirties who had not been to school since 12th grade. And there I was, filled with enthusiasm and intimidation, all at once. Oh yes, even on my awakened journey the negative critic nagged. I cried my eyes out leaving those classrooms. At the time I thought I was crying about my stupidity. Now, I wonder if my tears welled up from the depth of my soul, mourning and grieving the years it missed discovering the artistry of the world. Tears or not, I returned to the classroom every class period and by quarter's end walked home with distinguished grades of A's and B's.
I did not carve out a focus of study while attending the University. Studying itself became my passion and continues to be highest among the ranks of all my passions. For I have found that in walking spiritually on one's path, with one's two feet, all life experience is about learning and paying attention. From this I have formed a new belief that says if I engage fully in whatever life situation I am in, there is heart and meaning, and the beloved, Wisdom.
Sometime during the poetry course a catalog for the Split Rock Arts Program circulated. How intriguing, I thought, to spend an entire week at a writing workshop. As a kid who missed out on the popular agenda of youth camp programs offered today, I decided to enroll in a course and in mid-July I eagerly set out for what I called Writing Camp.
The course I chose was titled Autobiography of the Soul led by Sharon Doubiago of California. Sharon sent out packets of information about the course, including writing assignments. In the time I had before attending the workshop, I began writing in a journal. In those pages I found there was a person who was ashamed of her position as a receptionist. I was in my twelfth year with the same company. I remember feeling nauseous anytime anyone asked me what I did for a living. And, if I ever sensed the question coming, I left the room to avoid misery and embarrassment.
GIVE ME CHALLENGE
Along with writing, I began praying to God for hard work. Give me something hard, something more challenging, I pleaded. I promised God I was ready for hard work. I spoke and wrote about my disheartened attitude regarding career with my "soul mates" many times during writing camp. We all decided what I should write was my two-week notice. And so I did.
The day I turned in my resignation I learned from my doctor that I had Diabetes. Huh… There was my hard work. No job. No Insurance. Although I hadn't heard the phrase – be careful what you pray for, I knew exactly what happened spiritually. God, as I said back then, had other plans for bringing me heart work and knowledge.
God Creator Spirit, one of the many ways I now address the Divine, carried me through days of intense change: learning about and living with Diabetes, working part-time as a server, attending courses in psychology, living in an efficiency apartment and traveling the town via bus, bike and foot.
My schedule was a bit erratic. Textbook lessons weren't as fulfilling as I had hoped. Otherwise, my days and nights encouraged an introspective lifestyle, which I welcomed and grew to love. Bike rides, meditation, walks, writing – all of these spaces where my inner wisdom could be heard. Since I noticed the long sought after wisdom was coming to me in ways other than through tests and texts, I decided to make a change, again.
A NEW VISION EMERGES
In order to live comfortably I figured it would be best to work full-time so as to ensure medical coverage and to make enough money to support my lifestyle. There were so many places to which I hoped to travel and more and more alternative workshops were calling to me. Seeking full-time employment was my way of creating alignment with the flow of desires pouring from my soul.
In synch with my new vision, and on the very same day, my good friend, Cathy, who is also the administrator at the office where I worked for 12 years, called me to inquire - Did I want my job back? The firm made an attractive offer and yet my sense was it'd be impossible to go back. I asked for a week to think it over. In that time I decided how I could make this move a "go forward" rather than viewing it as a step backward. I came up with plenty of positive criteria to feed the "go forward" and happily accepted the job. This was late November 1998.
Fortunately for me, my vacation time was reinstated and I was able to go ahead with the vacation I had scheduled for December 10th. On a sunny winter morning I flew to New York and joined a group of about one hundred other people, all registered to embark on a tour of Egypt: Journey of The Soul, led by Dr.'s Deepak Chopra and Wayne Dyer.
Ever since I was a little girl I thought of Egypt as the Holy Land. I dreamed of going; but I'm not sure I thought the dream would ever come alive. When I first saw a flier for the trip I wondered why I couldn't do something like this – I wanted more than any thing to go. Not having a savings account was all I considered as I put the flier aside. One or two weeks later, when it came time to sort through and tidy piles of paper that cluttered my tiny apartment, I came across the flier and took another look. This time I went straight to my phone, dialed the listing tour agent, and booked a spot.
There was a six-month period between the time I booked the trip and the day I departed. Feeling a persistent fear about traveling so far away and all on my own was less than pleasant. How could I go through with it?
I began exploring nature more intently and formed a deep bond with the two old oak trees that stood outside my apartment windows. I prayed with them. I asked them to believe in me, and in my return. I discovered in them a significance and beauty so grand. The message of their hearts taught me, All land is Holy when viewed with mindful eye.
My trip to Egypt was life changing in that I released the fear I had about the world being too big for me. I found that I fit snugly in the loving arms of the universe.
SPIRITUAL DIRECTION
In the year following, my interest in psychology/counseling peaked again. I researched local seminaries, theology schools, and a variety of spiritual programs. I found the Center for Spiritual Guidance Training Program, which offered a two-year course for Spiritual Direction. I chose to apply to this program mainly because of the application process. (Some schools accepted any student willing to pay the fee.) I was looking for an intent group of people and trusted I'd find one in a place where the most looked for thing was a student's desire and reason for wanting to practice spiritual direction.
Oh the journey - it ebbed and flowed, ebbed and flowed. I often wondered what it was about textbooks I didn't like? My course of study could've been a whole lot easier I'd gasp to myself in a huff. And then I'd laugh knowing full well it wasn't something easier I signed up for.
Spiritual direction was as much about me getting to the core of my life as it was about preparing me to sit with clients and their journeys. So after having accomplished all this I still yearned for a little bit more. I really, really, really wanted to build more skills to support my role as director. I wanted to center deeply in a rooted place of trusting my intuition.
In response to that yearning I saw an ad in the Edge newspaper for the Meta Institute. Perfect! This is a place I had already been for Reiki training a few years back. My instructors there were the best two teachers I ever had. They showed genuine interest in me achieving my goals and they demonstrated a passion for their work unlike any other schoolteacher I had known.
I applied to what was then their newest program: Therapeutic Coaching®, a 13-month intensive course including Hypnosis and NLP. Quite simply, I had no idea how much I bargained for! I learned about and received training in healing modalities I barely knew existed. I acquired more skills and confidence, and graduated with honors in June 2003. Most importantly, through a circle of openhearted men and women who were my classmates, I discovered that learning is powerful, meaningful and fun.
And so is change.
written by Sarah Elizabeth
© December 2004
Editor's Note: If you are interested in Spiritual Direction or Therapeutic Coaching® with Sarah you may contact her by phone at 612-722-5735 to request a brochure and to discuss scheduling and fees.
Upcoming Calendar:
Discovery Writing: Creating A FutureSM
For NEW Students:
Discovery Writing: Creating A Future
This six-session class uses process writing as a way to explore what you truly desire; it is also a path to follow in creating your future.
Winter Schedule 2005
Saturday mornings ( 9:00 - 11:00 a.m. )
January 15, 29 February 12, 26 March 12, 26
Wednesday evenings ( 6:30 - 8:30 p.m. )
January 19 February 2, 16 March 2, 16, 30
Spring Schedule 2005
Wednesday mornings ( 10:00 a.m. - Noon )
April 13, 20, 27 May 4, 11, 18
Thursday evenings ( 6:30 - 8:30 p.m. )
April 14, 21, 28 May 5, 12, 19
View the online flyer to learn more about Discovery Writing: Creating A Future
For FORMER Students:
3rd Tuesday Discovery Writing Year-long Group
The next year-long group for former Discovery Writing students begins in January and will meet on the 3rd Tuesday evening of each month from January through December. Think of this group as a "monthly retreat"—time set aside for listening and for writing in the company of others who value discovery. The group will be limited to eight members and require a year-long commitment. All former Discovery Writing students are welcome to participate. Invitations will be mailed in late November.
NOTE: If you're interested in this group but you can't meet on the 3rd Tuesday, the group described below is another option for you.
3rd Monday CONTINUING GROUP (NEW!!—for prior students of any Year-long Group)
If you have already participated in any of the Discovery Writing year-long groups and you want to return or continue for one more year, here's an opportunity to do that. This group will meet on the 3rd Monday evening of each month from January through December. Expect the group to be a continuation of the first year with new material. The group will be limited to eight members and require a year-long commitment.
NOTE: As mentioned in the previous note, if you want to join your first year-long group but you have a conflict on the 3rd Tuesday, then the Continuing Group is open to you also.
About the Newsletter
This newsletter is created several times a year for my clients
and students, and anyone else interested in listening to and trusting
their own deep knowing. It is designed to support your process of
discovery and growth, and to bring you up-to-date about my practice.
It offers encouragement, guidance and resources for you.
You will find new issues posted on my website in the months of
April, August and December. I hope you add my website to your favorite
places and check back when the next issues are scheduled.
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